01.08.2002
Physical and Emotional Pain.
To set this up, here's where I am today. My body is aching, especially my stomach
and heart region. It feels like the kind of pain that would lead to death given
enough time. I'm not really hungry, and don't feel like doing anything. I'd
like to sleep so that I don't have to feel the pain I'm feeling. It's emotional
pain that has turned physical. My body is telling me that my emotions are way
beyond it's ability to function. The funny thing, is that I don't really understand
these emotions.
So I laid down in an effort to sleep as a means of trying to deaden the physical
and emotional pain. But sleep didn't come. I felt the pain all the more clearly.
As I tried to shift my mind to that greater part of me that I believe has a
purpose in everything that I experience, I felt that this was not in vain. I
had the sense that by being in the midst of such a sense of sadness, loneliness
and heartache, I was in the best position to relate to others feeling similarly.
I had wanted to write something encouraging to those who feel alone and lost.
So this is my opportunity to assist them, and in so doing, I assist myself out
of my own pain.
So that what this is about. But now I don't know what to say. I can say with
great belief, that I will feel better down the road, maybe even after I finish
writing this. I know this because it has happened to me many times for different
reasons. That encourages me somewhat, though in this moment the pain is too
immediate to gain much comfort from this understanding. I must go through what
I must go through.
But that all I really know right now. I suppose that you who are reading this,
if you are feeling sad, lonely or heartbroken, then you might take some comfort
in knowing that there is another person in the world who understands what you
are feeling, or at least appreciates how difficult such feelings can be.
There is something else I would like to speak about. We each have our own situations
that have resulted in the feelings we are having. I don't believe that there
is anyone else but me responsible for my situation and my feelings. That is
power in my own hands, even if I'm unskilled at using it. This means that I
have the ability to change myself as I choose, though at this moment such changes
seem to difficult to make. It's times like these that our own power can shift
into negative self thinking, which leads to more sorrow.
Fortunately for me, my beliefs are such, now, that I recognize these as lessons
on my own behalf. An opportunity to understand myself better and to acquire
better skills for living my life with more joy and vibrancy. Again, this still
doesn't make me feel much better, but it does stop me from looking at life and
blaming everything around me, which takes from us our own ability to change
our own lives. If the world around is the problem, then what chance do we have
to feel any better? The world is not the problem, though it contains all that
one needs to think so.
We are the problem. Or stated more appropriately, our ideas, views and actions
are causing us the pain that we experience. But my stomach still hurts and my
heart is still aching. These are the after affects of the thoughts we've been
thinking. For example, you've been crying. You're sad and lonely. You're creating
conditions for your body that are not healthy. We've heard of "dying of
a broken heart". Strong emotions can wreak havoc on a body. Like a car
that's constantly driven on a dirty, dusty road, it will function, but eventually
the filters get so clogged that the car begins to run rough until eventually
it chokes up and stops. Like a person whose emotions are so strong that they
get choked up, but it's the whole body that's getting messed up.
So recognizing this, we can see that it's important to take care of our bodies,
especially during emotionally difficult times. I don't want to eat, but I realize
that if I don't, my body will hurt even more. Physical pain aggravates emotional
pain. My mom used to say, "when you have your health, you have everything,"
or something like that. For me that includes mental health. Body health affects
mental health. Mental health affects body health. OK, I need to eat some celery
with peanut butter and salt. Be right back.
OK, I'm back, but I'm eating milk and cookies. I figured that since I was being
wise enough to eat, a little treat was in order. <smile> The point is,
take care of your body! It's what you live in, so messing it up will negatively
affect your experience. Nourish the physical and it will do it's best to not
add to your difficulties. Eating something is better that eating nothing, but
eating something you like that you think of as healthy is even better.
I'm starting to feel better already, but maybe you're not, so wanna talk about
how screwed up the world is? Huh? Well, the world has it's challenges, but the
greatest challenge it offers is that of teaching us that how we feel is really
not the result of what the world does or doesn't do, but rather the result of
what we think about the world. If we see the world as a great thing, then we
tend to feel good. See the world as a bad thing and we tend to get bummed out.
Considering all the really hurtful stuff that happens here, it's pretty easy
to see it as a crummy place. That was my view for many years.
The world is a school. It offers everything to the extreme. That provides a
rich bed of opportunity from which to discover who we are... to define ourselves.
For everything that is hurtful, there is something good. And that's just looking
at it all from a surface perspective. Under it all is a loving, supportive intelligence.
But it's usually only evident in retrospect.
So it's all up to us as to how we will interpret our experience. So while you
are hurting, try to look past what you are experiencing and believe that you
will get something very valuable out of your experience. I can honestly say
that while I often question the validity of this, I am always, and I mean always,
appreciative of all my previous experiences since they have always led me to
a better way of thinking and believing, though while in the midst of the pain
I sure do wonder if it will be true one more time. So far, so good. Everything
changes. Tomorrow is another day in which to find ourselves and learn to think,
live and love better.