04-18-2001 Predestination, Letter from Robert

          This is a resonse to a letter from Robert.
          Thanks for emailing me. I'm going through my own difficulties as well and often wonder what it is I'm here to learn from them. I believe that you can't stray from god, but only let your awareness stray. That means that it's within your grasp to turn your mind towards god, however that may be for you. I believe that we all cooperate at levels not currently within our awareness. So the situation you find yourself in is there by choice. That may seem hard to believe, but then, isn't your own existence hard to explain?
          I personally find that I feel more in tune with god when I follow my heart. Not a sentimental heart, but a wise, ancient heart that knows beyond the reason that we have come to adopt in the lives we now experience. I believe that god is within all things and part of all that is. But you are the only one who can choose for you. That means that predestination is something that you choose, not something that is chosen for you. We all choose. We can choose from a perspective of fear or of trust in something unseen.
          We can ask for something, or pray for something, but what we are asking for may not be what we really need. You will get what you really want most, but it may not be when you think that you need it. You many not even realize that you are getting it, but one day you will look back, with hindsight, and see that you got what you really wanted most, and that much of what you asked for wasn't really appropriate to get. I believe that you will know this. I've come to feel that we were never meant to suffer. Unfortunately I also realize now that suffering in within our own minds and comes from our own unexamined ideas about life. Suffering gives us a good reason to look at what we really think and feel.
                   I don't know what reasons are behind your current experience, but if you are like most of us, there is a lot of fear creating difficulties for you. Do what you feel is right for you and your family. No one can truly know what is best for you to do than you. If you act according you your heart, listen and understand others, then I believe that life will bring to you what you need.
                   As for changing others, I also believe that we are not here to change others, but to change ourselves. We can share what we feel, assist others in understanding how we see things, but they must make the choice to change themselves. We may not be helping others by trying so hard to change them. But on the other hand, by following your heart, you will at least be following something worth following.
                   Your children, I believe, will benefit best from seeing true heartfelt actions and from having a healthy father that recognizes his own weaknesses and moves to remedy them within himself. We teach most by example. Be the example of the highest ideal that you can be. It also seems to me that one of the greatest difficulties that people have is in working to understand others. So by letting your children be part of working to understanding what is going on, without diminishing anyone, you give them something worth having.
                   I'm not a biblical person, but seek and you shall find is as true now as it was when it was first uttered. No one can live your life but you. No wise god would live it for you or for your wife. There are reasons for everything. We serve others best by being true to ourselves and knowing ourselves. Know yourself in the midst of what you're going through. It may seem better to have an outside agency change your wife, but then you might be depriving someone of what they came here to learn. Love sometimes helps others by letting them live as they choose, as we live as we choose. It may involve being a witness to the suffering of those we love. You'll have to find for yourself what feels right for you.
                   But rest assured that love drives all things. A loving parent may let his children discover for themselves what works for them. I think of god like that. But you will receive strength and difficult feelings will change to feelings of capability when needed most. If having someone reassure you that god is very real is of assistance to you at this time, them I will tell you that god is very real and very much a part of your life. You are safe and loved more then you may feel now. It is your own thinking that must change for your life to change, and that is something that you control 100%.
                   Good luck, and write again if you like. Writing about this helps me to remember what I believe. Believe in yourself, learn to use your intuition and verify it against the world around you. Believe also that others are also where they need to be at this time.

                   "The advice of friends must be received with a judicious reserve; we must not give ourselves up to it and follow it blindly, whether right or wrong." -Pierre Charron

                   "The heart has reasons that reason does not know." -Unknown

                    On Saturday, April 07, 2001 9:40 PM, Robert

Dear Duane, I came across your web site by chance. I am going through a difficult time and as is usually the case in such circumstances, have found myself turning to God for help. I was intrigued by your statement that we have never been alone. Twice in my life I have heard or felt something warn me but I ignored the warnings to my later cost. Something else made me cast the warnings out of my mind. Please, what do you know of 'predestination, ' the idea that what must be must be? If I have come far from God, how can I get back? My present difficulties have arisen from my wife having, as I believe, an obsessive compulsive disorder, which is ruining our marriage and affecting our children. To what or whom can I appeal for her cure? I was warned about my wife's behaviour before we married, but didn't know then what the illness was and, as I have said, ignored the warning. I would be grateful for any insights you have. Thank you. Robert

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